Bloodstrike #1

Yeah, yeah, Rob Liefeld's a bad artist who steals drawings and who is reportedly difficult to work with. I say that Liefeld's art isn't so bad and has a sort of expressionistic charm, despite the tiny feet and bad foreshortening and other artistic mistakes, and that he has potential and could improve if he really tried. Really, what's worst about him is his terrible, terrible ideas.

When Big Comics inexplicably let him start thinking instead of just drawing looming hulks and large-breasted women, he created a whole stable of derivative characters, notably: Cable, who was distinct from Rachel "Phoenix II" Summers in that he was a Cyclops/Jean Gray (or Jean Gray-ish, long story) child who came from the future, but with a lot of guns and a cool glowing eye and bionic arm; Deadpool, who was a completely unabashed ripoff of Deathstroke from Teen Titans; and Supreme, who was like Superman only totally violent and hardcore, and who is famous for not only being completely redeemed by Alan Moore, but also for giving Moore the outlet for the Superman stories he's always wanted to write.

In 1992, Rob Liefeld helped found Image Comics, a company that allowed creators to retain the rights to their own characters. One of the forgettable titles Liefeld published with them was Bloodstrike, which is probably tied into his other Image stuff in some way, damned if I'm going to find out how. In this first issue, a bunch of bland characters break into a compound and shoot the hell out of some guy for some reason I couldn't figure out... do you get the idea that this was very, very boring? It typifies mid-90s comics by being flashy and gritty and utterly without any of the charm and creativity that made superhero books so popular.

(Above: Top row - Mazinger Z, Booba Fett; Middle row - Cable; Bottom row - Wolverine, A Bee or Something. I "rubbed the blood" and nothing happened)

As the story was so boring, I focused instead on the design, and considering that the characters had no actual personalities, you'd think their costumes and powers would make up for it, but no:

(Above: The bafflingly-named Cabbot, with his ponytail, his surplus guns, the five belts around his left arm, and the watch or something cutting off circulation below his knee. Also: pouches. All of Liefeld's characters have more pouches than they could ever dream of using)

(Above: Fourplay, whose powers are having four arms, a suggestive name, and a huge masculine crotch)

(Above: Not Wolverine, Seriously. Wolverine is a trademarked character of Marvel Comics, and this is totally not Wolverine. Look, he doesn't have claws, and his mask extends beyond his chin. And even though he calls someone "Darlin'" later on in the comic, he's got two wristwatches, so he couldn't possibly be Wolverine, okay?)

So the next time someone says to you, "hurr hurr, that Rob Liefeld is sure a bad artist," please remind them that his ideas are much, much worse. If only all he did was draw!